Have you ever been told that you are too emotional? Or have you been admired for your ability to stuff your emotions and play it cool under pressure? Perhaps you are one way sometimes and the other way at other times. How we react to our emotions is often a learned response based on how we’ve been raised. In some families or cultures, being very demonstrative with emotions is the norm. When this is the case, the person can be viewed as overly emotional by others outside the family or culture. On the flip side, other families or cultures view visible emotions as a sign of weakness. In that case, there are a few things that typically happen: the feelings are either stuffed deep down and replaced with a more “acceptable” feeling, they are numbed in a variety of ways, or there is a rush to fix the underlying cause. In the book Untangle Your Emotions, author Jennie Allen says, “Feelings were never meant to be fixed; feelings are meant to be felt.” She adds, “Your feelings aren’t trying to control you – they are trying to tell you something.”

Our emotions tell us we are alive. They are what helps us make meaning from what we experience. God created us in His image, and God Himself expressed a full range of emotions including delight and anger. Jesus demonstrated what it was like to feel and fully express every emotion yet did not sin. If emotions are meant to be recognized, felt, and addressed, then handling our emotions well is God-honoring and important.

Notice Your Emotions
In Genesis 4:2-6 we read that Cain was angry because the LORD looked with favor upon Abel’s offering but did not look upon Cain’s offering with favor. In verse 7, God tells Cain, “If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” God doesn’t tell Cain that the emotion is incorrect, or that the emotion is sinful. He warns Cain that if He does not address what is behind the emotion, he will likely sin out of that emotion. Essentially God in urging Cain to take notice of what is going on inside of himself.

How do we go about noticing our emotions?  Allen shares that emotions enter in a three-phase approach. First there is an inciting event, then your mind quickly (often subconsciously) determines whether the event is positive or negative, and finally, your body and mind react with an emotional response to that information. When that emotional response occurs, this is the time to notice it. Acknowledge to yourself that something is happening in your body. As Allen puts it, “Our bodies are constantly feeding us information on how we are doing, but we have to pay attention to learn.”

Name Your Emotions
Noticing our emotions is not the end goal, but it is the necessary first step. Once you notice an emotion, the next step is to name it. In Genesis 2, we read that God gave Adam dominion over all the birds and animals. God created them but gave Adam the job of naming them and ruling over them. To fully have dominion over something you must be able to name what that thing is, whether it is an animal or an emotion. According to Allen, “too many of us don’t have the vocabulary to describe our feelings, or we’ve misunderstood what constitutes a feeling.” While there are a few different theories on the core or basic emotions, beginning with the core four is a good place to start: mad (angry), sad, glad (happy), and afraid (scared). Some psychologists add surprise and disgust to those four, and one researcher determined there are up to 34,000 different emotions when viewed in various nuanced combinations. The important thing is to recognize you are having an emotional response and give it a name without judgment. Again, the emotion is not right or wrong. What is important is that it is given a name so that you can then choose what to do with it. This allows you to have dominion over it.

Navigate Your Emotions
Noticing and naming an emotion you are experiencing implies that you have sat with that emotion, at least for a moment. Now is the time to decide what to do with that emotion and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to doing this. Sometimes emotions must be acknowledged and named, then put in a “box” for a short amount of time. This might happen during a season of crisis or grief, when moment to moment decision-making is more important than taking the time to fully process a non-stop wave of emotions. However, if possible, it is best just to sit and feel. You may only need to do this for a minute or two or you may need to do this for an hour, especially if the emotion has been surfacing frequently. If possible, even if not immediately, share your emotions with another safe person: healing happens best in community. In Galatians 6:2 the Apostle Paul says, “Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” As Allen puts it, “We can’t bear what others don’t share, and the reverse is also true.” Then, finally let that emotion connect you with God, because every emotion we have has been given to us by Him. When you are riddled with fear, God tells us not to be afraid because He is with us (Joshua 1:9). When you are consumed by anger, know that “the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:20). When you are crushed with guilt, remember that “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Every emotion we experience should serve to connect us to others and, ultimately, to God.

Notice, name, and navigate. It sounds so simple. For some people it is because they have years of practice. If this process is new to you, it may feel daunting. Take that first step of noticing how you feel. When you have had time to notice the way both your mind and body feel, you can move on to naming the emotion. While this can be difficult without an emotion vocabulary, naming your emotion allows you to move on to navigating it. As with any healthy practice, this takes repetition; but it allows us to embrace the way God created us as humans. God made emotions and He will equip us as we see to become emotionally healthy people.

Source: Allen, Jennie. Untangle Your Emotions. Waterbrook, 2024.